Welcome to _Isometrify_. Are you a good cultural fit for our startup? *We'll be watching you closely, to see if we'll hire you*. Good luck… Start my trial day
*9.30am*. Your guide (we call managers 'guides' here...fun!) asks if you'd like to join her for yoga on the terrace. Just try and stop me, Yo-gotta be kidding me
*10.30am*. Yoga's finished, and your guide offers to blend you a fresh juice. Kumquat and kiwi, please, Strawberry and banana, please, No thanks, raw fruit retains more fibre
*11.45am*. A labrador wanders up to your desk. You're very allergic. What do you do? Jump up and scream to scare it off, Hug it while discreetly calling for an ambulance, Quietly walk away to safety
*12.20pm*. You're lying in a hospital bed. Your guide messages and asks where you are. You reply: Just stepped out for some fresh air, Just went kayaking, Where are you?
*1.30pm*. Stuffed with antihistamines, you return to Isometrify HQ. You're hungry. What do you pick for lunch? Mac & cheese, Raw spinach, Just a Snickers
*2.10pm*. At the coffee bar, you get into a conversation with this guy. He asks about your side hustle. You reply: I run a soup kitchen downtown, I launched a cryptocurrency for toddlers, Are you making fun of my hip?
*3pm*. You discover Isometrify have been secretly selling their customers' dogs' medical data to insurance companies. What do you do? Tell your guide you have some concerns, Immediately leak it to the press, Identify a way to harvest even more data and share with the team
*3.40pm*. Your guide asks you to design an Android version of the Isometrify app in 1 hour. You reply: Could we re-align on the timeline?, 1 hour? Let's launch in 20 minutes!, No can do
*3.55pm*. It's someone's birthday and there's (vegan) cake, but you're in the middle of designing the app. Sing, get cake, keep designing on your iPad, Keep working, Sing, get cake, forget about the app
*4.20pm*. A group of colleagues ask your opinion on the last episode of _The Sopranos._ You reply: A masterclass in dramatic tension and viewer autonomy, A real letdown, Huh? The Soapanos?
*4.25pm*. Someone in your group tells a sexist joke. Challenge him, Laugh uproariously, File a complaint with HR
*4.50pm*. You finish working on the app. A colleague critiques the UX of the bark-o-meter and says it needs more time. You reply: Get a growth mindset!, Move fast and break things!, You're absolutely right
*5.10pm*. Your guide invites you for a beer. You, a non-drinker, reply: I want a clear head for tomorrow, I prefer pints of tequila, I don't believe in the concept of beer
*5.33pm*. On your way out, a colleague asks what you're up to tonight. You reply: Mixing my own moustache wax, Watching Free Solo, Calling my family to tell them about my 1st day
*Sorry, you're not a good culture fit.* Hand in your Macbook and sauna key.
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